Which love language do you speak?

In the past few weeks, I came across several people who mentioned their ‘love language’, as opposed to their partners’. This is the kind of thing that tickles my curiosity and makes me go on an information hunt on blogs and videos, not really knowing what to look for. So, I will save you the trouble and talk about the five love languages on here.

five love languages

To be completely honest it wasn’t that hard. There is an official website with a handy test, and that’s the first result on Google. Let’s pretend all of this is some arcane knowledge that only few had access to, until today.

What are the five love languages?

They are five distinct and universal ways to express and experience love. A relationship between two people is based on expressing emotions and interpreting the messages we receive from our partner. It’s not necessary to share the same love language as our partner but understanding the different way they might communicate feelings is mandatory in a healthy relationship. Another important thing to be aware of is that, typically, someone will give love in the same way they prefer to receive it, too.

Only the mind of Gary Chapman, an anthropologist with a theology background, could come up with this theory. According to him, even though we tend to favour one language more than the others, we still enjoy traits of all of them. Also, these languages, if scaled appropriately, can apply to other kinds of relationships including friendships.

  • Words of affirmation 
This language uses words to affirm the other. Words hold real value within this language, they convey the literal meaning one needs to feel valued and loved. At the same time, negative comments may have a deeper impact than one may think. Simple, straightforward statements, such as compliments, are powerful communicators of love. Some will say that the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.

  • Quality time 
This is the language of undivided attention. Being someone’s main focus will leave people that speak this love language feeling satisfied and comforted, especially considering how precious time is and how little free time we have left after work and chores. Beware, spending a relaxing night watching Netflix does not fall into this language, as the screen would have your attention, not your partner. Spending quality time together means being there, listening to the other person and looking into their eyes.

  • Receiving gifts 
Some people feel most loved when they receive a tangible proof of their partner’s love. Some even argue that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. This doesn’t necessarily mean expensive gifts, but a thoughtful and meaningful present will make them feel appreciated even when apart. Who speaks this love language believes that it’s not the thought of love implanted only in the mind that counts, but the thought transformed in the actual act of gifting.

  • Acts of service 
People who speak the language of service deeply believe that actions speak louder than words. They want their partner to recognize life could be rough and a little help is a form of love expression. Consider actions such as cooking a nice meal, folding laundry, preparing a cup of tea; they all require thought, planning, time, effort and, if done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. Broken promises or perceived laziness are not well tolerated and not doing them a favour could be seen as a sign of not being valued.

  • Physical touch 
This language is not limited to what happens in the bedroom, it involves everyday physical connections from holding hands, to over-the-top PDA, to playful tickling. Who speaks this love language will seek physical contact to feel safe and loved. If you didn’t grow up in a ‘touching family’, speaking this language might require a lot of thought. Sitting close to each other as you watch a movie requires no additional time but may communicate love loud and clear to your partner.

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