A cringeworthy throwback story

When thinking back to our most cringe-worthy past experiences, many of you will picture too many butterfly hair-clips, glue-like lipglosses, spinach adorned retainers, and many moments captured by disposable cameras. I’ll see you and raise you: online cringeworthy experiences.

cringeworthy throwback

Back in Myspace days, my English was a constant referring to my paper dictionary and carefully collected list of swear words, as I told you in this previous article. Despite that, I entered my favourite alternative nickname and decided to join the many socially challenged people around the globe.

I was delighted to see so many ‘goffs’! Turns out they were all emo and I didn't know it yet. I used to label myself ‘goth’ but, at the end of the day, I was simply wearing black clothes. All things considered, I thought, blending in with my kind shouldn’t be too hard.

I started adding random cool people, as you do on social media, and I noticed that most used words such as ‘would’ and ‘indeed’, and similarly fancy language that didn’t sound at all like our textbook dialogues.

‘Whose umbrella is this?’ and ‘Where is Baldwin?’ should give you an idea of the general level.

My first thought was that Myspace must have been some sort of roleplay inspired platform and it must have been my lucky day, because I knew how to roleplay thanks to my D&D campaign!

My go-to icebreaker became: 'Good evening, my lord'.

I am face-palming as I am typing this.

It took me some time, but in the end I realised 'Medieval' language wasn’t required to interact and I decided to keep it simple and as grammatically correct as possible.

Unfortunately, I did not consider the changing power of language and its adaptability to internet communication.

When people had to go away from their desk, obviously, they would shorten ‘be right back’ to ‘brb’. Back then I thought ‘brb’ was a universally known nickname for all Barbaras. And because I am a polite Barbara, when I read ‘brb’ I would reply with ‘Yes?... Tell me!... What do you need? … I am here … Hello? Are you there?’ until they came back to their desks and finally replied. People must have thought I was the clingiest girl on planet Earth, when all I needed was Urbandictionary!

That’s probably why I was left with questionable Myspace friends

This is where it gets better, for you reading this, not for me back then.

I became friends with this Canadian guy, and he was always talking about parties and alcohol. So cool, I know. After a sad Christmas, because goffic souls don’t dwell on happiness and celebrations, he told me how he ended up drinking alone because his mate just passed out. My reaction must have been out of proportion to him as I started asking what happened, how he felt, where his mate is, did he call emergency, and what will he do…

Truth is, I legitimately thought ‘passed out’ was the same as ‘passed away’! I was imagining him drinking and messaging me with the dead body of his friend laying on the floor next to him. 

This was my cringeworthy throwback story. What's yours?

Image: via

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